Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Chapter 4: A Stint and a Broken Arrow

"Broken Arrow": I've picked up from movies that that's what they say in the US army for a nuclear-armament-stolen situation. But this most obviously has got nothing to do with it. It's more about one of cupid's arrows which got broken before it struck.

She was my junior. It was around the time when I had firmly decided to put a fullstop on my longing for that girl who was my classmate. And in spite of her being my junior, I ran into her over a certain social networking community online. I had never much of noticed her till then, but then while browsing through the network of people close to my college, I stumbled upon her. What caught my attention was her profile image, which I thought could be allegorical, thinking along the lines of psychology of people, which would make them pick an image which consciously or semiconsciously suits and relates to them best.

And I made a foray into her scrapbook and she responded graciously and I guess I could say, a rapport started building. There were times when the first page of my scrapbook used to be dominated by her scraps and times when the near entirety of her scrapbook's first page contained scraps from me.

Now, pretty expectably, she was a sensation in her class, and I too was pretty familiar and even intimate with quite a lot of guys from her class as well as from her batch. And so there were many prying eyes watching the exchange of scraps.

Well, something about her instigated me to open up. Or maybe that was just me; yet another reason to say I really am dumb !!! I was naive beyond reproach to have opened up so much to a total stranger. I told her quite a lot in my scraps and started looking upon her as really a good friend.

Meanwhile, there were rumours doing the rounds among my batch-mates that she was really rich. I don't know about their veracity, I never gave them a dime. But then there were other rumours that she was really hardworking, and did all her lab assignments herself (which is a rarity and a good index of capability so far as NITC is concerned) to such an extend, there were guys plagiarising on her work. That was something that stirred my interest. Again, that's hearsay information, I never got quite so up-close-and-personal with her to know what she really was like.

Another trait I liked about her was a sort of touch of arrogance hanging about in a manner suggesting strains of blue blood somewhere up the line. I might have been fantasising again, but then I seriously did feel so and admired that.

Put all that together, and I started liking her. But then this one time, I was in a dilemma; I did not want to spoil this relationship like the ones mentioned before. In essence, I, to a great extend did not want to tell her that I did like her as something more than a friend.

Anyways, one fine day I had sent her a message on the phone; something really silly. I think it was, by far, too open ended, she pretty much figured out that I had feelings for her. I distinctly remember the reply, or one phrase of it: "Get a Life !!!" It felt like a slap in the face.

I feigned indignation at such a baseless allegation; but I guess it was a futile effort at getting my feet back on the ground.

Still, what's the big deal if I indeed loved her?? That was exactly something I was trying to keep her from knowing because I could pretty well prognosticate that the reaction would be this.

I guess, the times when you feel most hopelessly, abjectly desperate are when you know exactly what is happening, you know that it is very much happening, you have known for quite some time that it is impending, you very much would give your all to stop it from happening, but there is absolutely nothing you can do to avert the fiasco.

Anyways, time is a good healer, and we somewhat rounded back to a strained friendship I suppose.

However, one day, I happened to go back into her scrap book and peruse all those scraps which I had jotted down. And matter of fact, I went pink with embarrassment. I mean those were okay, written to a trustable friend, but then, the status quo had changed. And I deleted those indiscriminately, albeit the wistful memories they would have stood witnesses for.

Well, we never talked much of after that. That was kind of, the end in this case. That's why I say, it was a stint. But anyways, I ran into her around the time I was feeling miserable from my previous adventure with cupid. And she did make me feel better. Or maybe, they say grief is the strongest aphrodisiac, and probably if it weren't for that misery, we might still have been friends.

But anyways, that chapter too is over and closed. But I should not forget to mention, this girl was Beautiful !!!

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